I think I have a new favorite movie. I just got home from seeing Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World. I don’t even know what to say. The movie is right on point. It has funny moments, action, and a great message that if you want something bad enough, fight for it. Guys especially soft spoken shy guys always fall into the same problem. They can’t convey their emotions or find the words to say to that special girl. Believe me I know. I’m a lot like Scott. On one hand I love the movie while on the other I dislike it because (I won’t give away the ending) but in the end the good guy never wins. If movies were true then I wouldn’t have had so many sleepless nights. In real life what always happens is a guy as great as Scott Pilgrim will meet the girl of his dreams and after a month she’ll put him in the friend pocket. The girl will just call him her best friend and move on. Why do girls do this? Because they love conquering guys. They want to see if they can get one to like them and when they do then she just moves on without them. Imagine if Scott Pilgrim defeated the seven evil ex boyfriends just to be told ” I see you as more of a bestfriend”. That’s what would happen to me if I were Scott. Anyways great movie!!! Everyone needs to watch it!!

I awoke again /:. Ugh It’s 4:04 in the morning. It’s actually been a while since I’ve randomly woken up in the middle of the night. I tried to get back to sleep but no matter how hard I try the heart ache is too strong. At this point I don’t know what or why I feel this way.

Today (which was technically yesterday August 6th) started out really good, then went really downhill. The world just hates me. I was fired today. I used to work a few days at this place for troubled teens. Basically I counseled kids that had problems. But today my boss called me into his office and asked to see my arm. Someone noticed the cuts on my arm and told him.

He told me that until I get my life together I don’t need to counsel anyone. And then it was over. I was fired. I hadn’t cut in a long time, but things got to intense. If it wasn’t for my angel fish I don’t know how far I would have gone. Maybe I wouldn’t even be here anymore /:. Just having her to talk to about all kinds of things makes me so happy. She always has the words that strike my heart (:. I went to sleep at 6 last night I was so depressed. When I got home from what used to be work I just locked myself in my room and listened to Fall Out Boy. All sorts of things popped into my head.

I just feel so cold, and empty. Is it because of Nina? I don’t know. At times I think it is but maybe it isn’t. I find myself wishing she was under my arms but maybe it’s too late. From now on I’m going to give anyone a chance no matter who they are. Even if they’re just my best friend.

I never thought I’d feel this way. She told me to let it go. She’s gone for good but If a guy really likes a girl, he wont give up on her, even if she says no. She always tried to win me over and now that she’s stopped I want her. My heart is so destroyed. I keep replaying the memory of last years birthday.

My mother was away on a business trip in Chicago and my sister went with her. I was stuck at home alone with everyone forgetting my birthday. I thought nobody cared. The day would have been awful. Then Nina showed up. It was so unexpected. She brought me all my favorite things. And planned a surprise Halloween themed roof party.

At that moment I should have known, she was in love with me. More than anyone had ever been. When someone is trying that hard, they see something that you yourself are to ignorant to see. You overlook it because your head is telling u that u want something different but ur heart really wants them.

I guess the greatest advice anyone could give would be “great friends great lovers”. /: I remember the times right before she started fading from my life. I would CONSTANTLY get emails and random people texting me asking why I wasn’t dating Nina. Even they saw something. Now finally Im seeing it too. When it’s way to late.

I thought I’d finally gotten over it. Even fate had a new plan for me.

But I wish fate wasn’t such a devious bastard. I finally met a girl that is the definition of perfect. She is beautiful and great to talk to. We love all the same things and it’s like we were made for each other. My angel fish is what I call her. There’s only one catch. She lives across the country in California.

I would do anything to be able to see her and spend time with her. Just to hold her hand and talk until the street lights come on. Laughing and just taking in the moment. One day we’ll be together, I just hope that day comes soon. Before it’s too late. Things just dont go my way. Its only so long that people can go. She’ll probably move on and forget all about me. But I love her /:. The angel fish will be gone and ill be swimming alone. I hate uncertainty, the future, and growing up. It’s all so vague. And with prom coming this year who know what will happen. This is my prediction. I’ll be alone at home. Maybe I’m to pessimistic. Idk. Well I’m going to go watch My Life As Liz on my DVR. Hopefully I fall back asleep. I’m logged into AIM if anyone wants to chat. But it’s so early everyones sleeping anyway.

Today a pretty traumatic event happened to me. Everyone I talked to didn’t really seem to care, that is except for one girl. She actually genuinely cared and I appreciate it. Thanks so much. And I read your tumblr. Here is a poem to you. I suck at writing poems but I hope you like it.

Distance

I met a girl so far away
Thought nothing when I said hey
Who knew it wouldn’t be just another day
A girl so kind
Could she exist out of my mind
The questions grow
As my feelings begin to show
What is distance?
Is it space?
I need to get out of this place
To see her face

Now this morning was semi successful. My main goal was to find a webcam or someone with a camera so I could make a video response to the @DamagedSeason and @castillo16 video that was super awesome! but not one person I saw this morning has a camera. And the ones that do were being pretty stingy with theirs. Damn New Yorkers lol. But hopefully later on I’ll be able to find one. The mission isn’t over yet (: and if I can’t find one then tonight I’ll make an audio response instead. So no matter what I’ll post something for u guys. Well besides looking for a webcam I decided last night that it would be a great idea to have sushi for breakfast this morning. And no I’m not obsessed with sushi because I’m asian lol. It turned out pretty great in the end, haha even though we got kicked out. We started taking shots of wasabi. The only downer this morning was that I ran into Nina /:. Who would have thought that, that would make my day a downer. I remember when we used to be friends. Well anyway check these out.

Today was a pretty awesome day. I only had about 5 hours of sleep but it still didn’t slow me down. I met up with one of the coolest bands in New York and took some pretty amazing photos for their blog. I’ll be sure to post them when they release their new album (:. Then after that I headed to this audition for an upcoming independent film. The casting director seemed to like me a lot so I might have the part! That would make my day even better. After that I headed home and talked to my sis a bit before deciding it was time for a new look (:. I got my hair trimmed and dyed. It seems that everyone seems to be super in love with it. Tell me what you think. Here ya go @DamagedSeason (:. I hope I don’t look like too much of a nerd lol.

Tonight something compelled me to join Tumblr and I went along with it. Now I’ve found a site that I’m probably gonna be obsessed with for months to come and on top of that the craziest thing happened. Its something straight out of a work of fiction. I’m just browsing tags and I come to this one page “http://damagedseason.tumblr.com” (follow her when u get a chance) and we started talking. She’s almost an absolute clone of me. Well a cuter more talented version of me lol. Its a strange world when u meet someone that alike. Pretty cool. 

damagedseason:

Its crazy how you can meet a person and have so manythings in common! haha But i love it cause things like this are the great part of life!